This is a story about The Awakening of a Man who once believed that Love was Truth.
Hi, thank you for taking the time to read what I have to share with you. I feel grateful for sharing my experience and parts of my life that may help you see your own version of “the bigger picture”.
I will start by telling you a little bit about myself. My name is Patrick, soon I am turning thirty-six, I have never felt more love than ever before. I have a daughter of three turning four this year. My profession for over ten years is performing and I expanded that profession with life experiences where I can connect to any soul (that is willing) at any time and place. That power of connecting enables me to love others without expectations. Unconditionally.
Since the last two and half years my life has been very calm and peaceful. After the break up with the mother of my daughter I started to dig deep within myself and I found a lot of walls that were pulled up out of defense of my own sanity. How could it be that every relationship I experienced was based on a constricting kind of love? Why do people say that every relationship needs to have their fights in order to maintain the balance for a “healthy relationship”?
Some of these thoughts did not make any sense at all, even when I was in the midst of these -for me personally- toxic relationships. Doesn’t love offer us peace at the maximum where every trigger that comes by is welcomed inwardly with honesty instead of escalating at a high rate where two people that were supposedly loving each other fight over the silliest topics in an emotional state at that very moment? During break ups in my long relationships I wasn’t able to maintain my own truth and sanity when it came to what a healthy relationship means. I started to believe that this was it. After all, love overcomes everything, right?
After many break ups I came to find that I created a toxic image for myself and that I no longer wanted to believe that fights, verbal aggression, projecting fear and anger based emotions towards someone you say you love was not serving my Soul any good.
After the very last break up that I spoke about earlier I could not even be mad or sad about it any longer. But it was that very moment that I strongly felt my worth and my self love rising up after dark clouds of grief, hurt and lies and the latter especially towards myself. I convincedly told myself that from that day on and from that very moment I was going to be my number one priority. Cause only with that mindset I could become the father that my daughter needs and be the partner that I always wanted to experience. The bigger picture of love was too beautiful and intense for it to be an illusion. That realization went along with an astrological event that I was never really aware of and serious about until that day.
The night before my awakening it was a Full Moon Lunar Eclipse in my Zodiac Sign Aquarius and when I saw what the meaning of it was, it all made so much sense to me, experiencing the intense resonation I felt with this Lunar Eclipse.
Here is a little description:
“Aquarius goes against the grain, does not conform to expectations, bypasses past patterns and moves fearlessly into the unknown.
All the emotional/mental/physical/spiritual baggage you’ve been carrying around will be easily released and replaced by golden Light and Gratitude.
And it gets better…
Friday’s celestial event unlocks a magnificent 9:9:9 numerology code that will illuminate your Soul’s purpose, highlight your inner gifts and show you what you came here to do.
Allow love, trust, patience, gratitude and forgiveness to inform every decision, infuse every conversation and inspire every thought.
And you will move through this Total Lunar Eclipse with ease and abundance.
This rare lunation will expand your mind, help you gain new perspectives and will ignite a spark within you!”
I read this description a few weeks after that particular night. This message combined with that Lunar Eclipse that I got to witness from Sicily, was such a powerful combination that I felt strongly supported and confirmed by the Universe that this was my own doing and that the choice I made to put myself first, was the best choice I had made in years! Whether you believe in astrology or not, this was a very magical thing to me that manifested it’s way into my life until this day. If you’re an Aquarius reading this, you might want to check for yourself what you were doing and how you were feeling the 27th of July 2018 🙂 The night of the eclipse.
Allow me to refer you to a little videoclip on YouTube that portrays my awakening and how extremely hard it is to reach a certain level of your Higher Self. When I saw this clip it resonated hardcore with my Soul because I recognized myself in this character.
It’s a clip from DragonBall Z and one of the main characters Vegeta is trying to become a Super Saiyan. Before you go and check it out, I want you to know two parallel details that Vegeta and I have in common 😉
1. Kakarot, a Saiyan of a lower class rank is Vegeta’s ultimate rival. My ultimate rival was me.
2. The 500 times gravity was the emotional pressure that I felt upon my Soul in extreme moments during fights and inner struggles in my relationships.
Enjoy the Awakening of a Man Who Believed Bitterness, Jealousy and Envy was Key Clip: click here to watch the video.
Unlocking the love for myself was as essential, but not an easy task. Through deep conversations and reflections in full honesty towards myself I encountered very dark parts of myself and I started to see those parts that I neglected and labeled as negative as a very important part of me. That dark side I now acknowledge as my superpower and it goes hand in hand with a mindset that allows me to control my emotions. And let me highlight the control part.
Recognition is an honesty tool that helped me see my triggers. When someone or something used to trigger me I immediately reacted out of anger or any other emotion that brought my mood down in an instant. And because of my hardheadedness, I got stuck in that state for too long.
Using recognition I see my triggers, I allow myself to feel the emotion linked to that trigger and therefore I acknowledge the emotion. Now it enables me to have two choices. Do I become the emotion or do I honestly empower and acknowledge the feeling of that emotion? By saying:
“I feel that (….fill in the blanks….) angers me.” Then you have two choices, do you become that emotion or do you see it for what it is and react from a place of higher awareness?
By acknowledging but not becoming the emotion you protect yourself from unnecessary suffering from reacting to anything that is being said to you, emotionally.
At this very moment I’m in a relationship that is loving beyond words. I cannot even describe this amazing woman that I may spend moments with. Every moment is so unique and so vividly lived that I now KNOW that love is truth. I no longer believe it or think it or wish it to be true. Love is not outside of me any longer. I know it and it knows us. The foundation when it comes to our relationships is in the simplicity of it all. Simplicity is the highest form of complexity.
My bigger picture about love is confirmed every single day. Yet this love journey started already on the night of the eclipse, seven months before I met this amazing woman who is an artist in amplifying the love I have inside myself. But loving myself and putting myself first was the essential key to unlock this possibility of true love. And it goes both ways where we now bath in love consistently no matter what day, time or place.
From here it all depends on how you love yourself. Any interaction with people will reflect your inner reality in a certain way. I dare you to go out there and discover your real higher self. It is most rewarding and you will feel more alive than ever before.
Live the life you love and love the life you’re living!
Patrick Karijowidjojo – A peaceful warrior, father and an ever growing and learning soul
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